Look At My Belleh!

Just thought I would give you all a little giggle with the latest belly pics! We are 24 weeks in the pictures! Hahaha.

I went to the Doc yesterday and everything is fine. He said that the baby is "bigger than average" (I'm so surprised.... *sarcasm*) and that everything is lookin good! Praise the lord!

Best News Ever

Yay! While at home from work today, my prenatal specialist Dr. called me and told me that all of my tests came out normal. I won't have to give myself shots in the belleh or anything!! Yay! Seriously, got on my knees and thanked God for that one. Little EJ and I are going to be just fine. If that's not an answer to prayer, I don't know what is! On another note- I stayed home from work today- just to get some MUCH needed rest and boy, it is so hard sometimes, just to do nothing. It seems that I always have something that I need to do, or want to do, that I make it impossible for myself just to do nothing. Even if I made a list or something like that, as soon as I would get something checked off as being done, I would immediately add another TO DO to the end of the list. BAH! It's insanity. I really wanted to have the Ethan's room painted before John got back from Allentown, but for goodness sakes, I just can't find the energy. Oh well... guess we'll just have to do it this weekend. We plan on furnishing it in January, so I want it to be completely ready by then. I miss John.

Not Really Baby Stuff

But it's our 1st Christmas Tree!!!












Yeah, so that's about it for now.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

Baby's Room

Ah, more fun stuff...

THAT'S THE BORDER FOR THE BABY'S ROOM.. AWWWWWW!

THAT IS THE PAINT... THEY'RE THE TWO WITH THE WRITING ON THEM. ONE WALL IS GOING TO BE THE MINT GREEN COLOR AND THE OTHER THREE WILL BE THE BEIGE ONE.

AND JUST BECAUSE... I'M TOTALLY EXCITED ABOUT MY NEW WORK MATERNITY CLOTHES! YAY!!

It's A BOY!!

Just thought I would update the whole preggers situation. You know how I roll :-P

And yes, he's a BOY!!! Ethan James Dee. Ethan (John's middle name) James (BOTH of our grandfathers name). It's a nice and STRONG name.

Here's some updated pics.

This one is of EJ in 3D steez.

And this one is of my ever growing belly... *sighs*

I kinda look like I have a funny looking shape there... meh.

Everything is going well thus far. I love thinking about out lil baby that's coming sooner than I can remember. Wow. I'm already half way through. I'll have my lil boy in my arms in less than 5 months. Amazing.

So yeah, on a side note... John and I purchased a new king bed this weekend and new stuff for it. We ended up buying alot of stuff this weekend. I made the mistake of going into Ikea for just one thing and ended up coming home with two new dressers, a shelf unit like my friend Amy had in her room back in the day, new side tables for the couches, and a curtain rods for the curtains that I am going to make with MY NEW SEWING MACHINE that John bought me for my birthday. Glorious! I can't wait to make em'. I'm so gay and domesticated. I love it.

Here's the new bed with the new comforter. It's really pretty!


Okay, well it's time for bed. Goodnight!!!!
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Uhm... Yeah

God, I was having the most random freakin dreams last night... First off, I met Barry Hess (he's the libertarian candidate for Governor of Arizona). I also met Senator Jim Waring's brother. I don't even know if he even has one in real life. But him and Barry were best friends. Weird. I had my baby, but it turned out to be half baby half kitten. Then I forgot HER at home (yes, it was a girl) when I went to work. Also, very weird. Meggie, my sister, was a pilot, and we flew through several large scale trebuchets only to later crash into a giant chocolate chip cookie that was alive. I think there's more, but honestly, I can't remember. That stuff is just so random... seriously, who thinks about shit like that? Threw up this morning again. Seriously, I am just going to change my hours here at work to 9-6. That way, I don't have to wake up early and then I don't get as sick. Every fricken time that I wake up early, I get sick. And this morning I was just stupid about it. I tried to take a shower first and that NEVER works. I had to hurry throught the last moments of it, hoping that I didn't throw up all over my clean self. And bile in the morning, JUST TASTES GROSS. PERIOD. BUT alas, I still made it to work on time. Hahaha.

Ultra Cool or Ultra Sound

My OB just called me. He said that he wanted me to come in again for more bloodwork. He wants to check my levels AGAIN and monitor my progression. I told him that that would be fine and asked if he wanted me to come in the usual 3 times a week or if he just wanted me to go in once. He answered with another question, asking when my ultrasound was scheduled. I told him that I did not have one scheduled (nobody said that I needed one yet) but that I did have an appointment set up (it's the second prenatal visit) for Tuesday the 5th. He said that he didn't want to wait until then and that he wanted me to come in this week to get an ultrasound done. Weird. Now I am semiworried and can't stop thinking that something might be wrong. I know I know, I'm totally just being paranoid, but please, this is my first pregnancy (and probably my only) and that allows me to be over worrying about every little thing. Especially considering my past girly issues. Anyhow, my visit is scheduled Thursday and it would be safe to say that I am a little nervous about it. I guess though, that if everything really is okay, then it wil be pretty cool to at least hear the heart beat even if there isn't an actual image to go along with it yet. I'm only eight weeks and that IS early for an ultrasound, but I'm not going to sweat it too much. I've got other things to worry about... like school and work and... whatever else it is that I routinely worry about. Pray for me and my lil baby bean... cm

I just had...

...the worst vacation ever. Let's go over what happened: -Airlines lost my luggage -Dad picked John and I up at the airport and after filing the lost luggage report we were heading up to Peru IN, and we got rearended HARD. The seatbelt cut into my abdomen and I started having cramps. John's neck and back were all f'd up and my dad was just stressed worrying about us. (he was driving and didn't realize that he was hurt until later in the ER). The ambulance had to come and get us and I spent my first night in Indiana in the ER. -Got to Dad's the next day, only to take a nap that afternoon and was BITTEN BY A FUCKING WOLF SPIDER. My whole leg is f'd up the bite is black and blue. -Last day there, I started to not feel well and ended up catching a horrific cold. I had to fly home with it and I'm pretty sure that I blew my ear drum out on the flight because I can't hear a damn thing out of it. -My mom was stuck in traffic behind an accident on the way to pick John and I up at the airport. SHE WAS AN HOUR LATE. -I've now missed two additional days of work because I can barely even get up and walk to the bathroom without feeling like I am going to pass out because I'm so sick. I'm taking tylenol cold meds and I am so afraid for my baby. This is the SECOND time I have gotten really ill while being pregnant. I think I am going to go to the Urgent Care tonight because my ear is hurting like crazy and whatever I have is moving from my head to my chest. I am supposed to be going to school tonight, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to make it. I already missed Tuesday's class because I was in Indiana, and even though I did let my teacher know, missing one class is bad enough, and TWO? That's almost unheard of. In all, suckiest week ever. *edit* UPDATE I WENT TO THE DOC'S TONIGHT AND TURNS OUT I HAVE AN AWEFUL EAR INFECTION, THROAT INFECTION, AND SINUS INFECTION. FREAKIN GREAT. THEY PUT ME ON ZITHROMAX, WHICH SHOULD WORK JUST FINE. IT SUCKS THAT NOW I WILL HAVE HAD TO TAKE ANTIBIOTICS TWICE DURING MY PREGGERS AND I'M ONLY 14 WEEKS!!!!

1st 2nd Trimester Appointments

Doc said that I had to start taking a low dose aspirin everyday to prevent a blood clot. I'm kinda scared because you here all this crap about baby + aspirin = NOT GOOD. But obviously, I'm going to go ahead and trust whatever McKernan says, because he's the doc. I did however, go online and do a little bit of research on the web, and I feel better because everything that I've been reading says that a LOW DOSE apspirin regiment during pregnancy is thought to be safe. Yay!

Everything else appears to be normal and the heartbeat was 158bpm. AMAZING. It took everything I had not to cry. I love hearing the heartbeat and it only gets better everytime I hear it. :) He perscribed me some more Ambien so that I can actually sleep during the night and also, some antinausea medicine (that I'm actually going to use for my flight on Friday- supposedly it will make me VERY drowsy and therefore I can't have a panic attack).

McKernan is also sending me over to a High Risk speciality doc to find out if I need to go on a Coumadin or Heprin regiment. I will apparently see this specialist in 2 weeks or so. So, basically, when I get back from Indy. Sweet. Not. I'm pretty sure that once the doc finds out the specifics on my situation and that I was 18 when the PE ocurred and that I was on birth control, he'll say that I'll be fine. I'm praying.

Well that's about it. My next appointment is on Halloween and then two weeks after that we can find out the SEX!!! Woot! John still thinks it's a boy, but McKernan and I think it's a girl. I hope it's a girl. My little baby girl. How wonderful that sounds.

Anyhow, here's a brief little bit of info I found on low dose aspirin:

In certain situations, your caregiver may advise you to start taking a small dose of aspirin each day, usually similar to the amount in one baby aspirin. Most experts believe low-dose aspirin therapy is safe during pregnancy.

For example, some experts recommend that pregnant women with a condition called antiphospholipid syndrome take a low dose of aspirin in addition to a drug called heparin. Antiphospholipid syndrome is diagnosed in women who have certain antibodies in their blood and who also have a history of blood clots or some types of pregnancy problems.

Some research shows that certain women at high risk for preeclampsia (including women with chronic hypertension, severe diabetes, or kidney disease, or who had severe preeclampsia in a prior pregnancy) may benefit from low-dose aspirin therapy, although not everyone agrees on who is a good candidate for this treatment, when it should begin, and what the optimal dose is.

So unless your healthcare provider prescribes it, you should avoid taking aspirin altogether, as well as other NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs), such as ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin), naproxen sodium (Aleve), and ketoprofen (Orudis), which can have similar effects.

Someone Else

So it's been an interesting couple of days. I hope I'm not the only that feels like they fuck up every twenty minutes in their relationship. You know that the whole of it isn't your problem; as a matter of fact, most of the time, it's a 50/50 thing. It just seems like their wouldn't be a "thing" if I would just keep my mouth shut and I wouldn't hold grudges. It's aweful. It's going to have to be something that I am continually working on. I'm okay with that, as long as I make progress. But on the other hand, I just keep making the same damn mistakes over and over and over. It's like, God Cassie, when are you going to learn? It's just alot harder than it seems sometimes. I don't want to completely blame being hormonal for all the shit that I've been putting John through, but lately it's like I don't even know myself. *Sighs*

I'm having all those weird feelings that you read about in the pregnancy books that you never think you'll have... it worries me. I feel so guilty for thinking this, but I've honestly thought that, "what if I have a boy, and I don't like it as much as I would have liked a girl?" Or what if something happens to the baby and it's deformed or mentally slow and I don't love it like I should. Oh my God, I feel like the worst mother-to-be in the world. I feel like nobody else even BEGINS to think the stuff that I've thought. God, I really need to meet some women who are going through this too. Then I can find out if I'm a complete freak.

I've been staying over at my Mom's for the past few days. My house accidentally got exterminated (it's a long story) and now I can't go home because of the chemicals. The doc said it wasn't safe. I'm gonna wait it out over here at the folks place till the fumes clear and then go home, and be alone... again. John's in Ohio. What a surprise right? They are sending him there all the time now. It's hard to think that every month he spends like a week out there. Woof. I'm so glad that he HAS a job though. Shit, that we BOTH have jobs that pay worth a damn, we both have cars, a house with 3 rooms and a backyard, parents who are close and love us, good friends (and willing soon-to-be babysitters), and most importantly... eachother. We go through rough times (especially as of recently) but we seem to pull through it everytime. We've decided that we are going to talk to some people about getting misc. things straightened out, and I'm really looking forward to the long term rewards of these discussions. I'm joining my Mom and Ron's life group on Thursday's after work and school (haha- I'm so f'ing busy) and I think that's going to be a huge help. We are going to build community with others and get support through these times. I no longer need raves or parties to make me feel like I'm part of society. I need people who care about me and John, I need Christians that have been through what we are going through. We are going to get those things and God's going to guide us exactly to where he wants us. I have surrendered this pregnancy and relationship to him, and he's working miracles everyday. They may be small, but they are definately there. It's hard though. It's one of the hardest things to take yourself out of your comfort zone and think about someone besides YOURSELF for more than any small amount of time. I love the thought of giving control of my life to my Savior. To know that his will will be done, and I really don't have to do much more than try my hardest to walk with Him.

John's with me 110% on this, and it's going to be so good for us... and the baby.

Forgotten

I always get the shaft. I'm tired of investing myself into things that just crap out in the end. I'll meet new people in my community, maybe perhaps even new expectant Moms. That would be awesome. Someone who understands what it's like to be me right now. I'm looking forward to my new life and to our daughter. I'm not 20 anymore and I can't be the person I used to be. If people stop liking me because of that, they are the ones missing out. I'm not gonna be sad anymore and I'm tired of crying. I went to my Mom's after work yesterday and got alot off my chest. I cried all the way to her house, at her house and then on the way home. Got home... watched tv for a while alone, then went to bed alone. I'm tired of feeling alone. It was a feeling I thought I had finally abandoned. Boy, was I wrong. At least I know that family will always be there for me. Always. They are my rock.

Let Week 9 Begin

I feel really guilty about not going to school tonight. Part of me doesn't really care though. I was so sick to my stomach all damn day, and all I really did was let John take care of me and sleep. My teacher is pretty cool though... so I don't think that he will drop me or anything for not going tonight. I will make sure that I stay caught up on the homework (that he doesn't make us turn in) and I should be good to go. I had my second prenatal visit this morning. It was really quick. Dr. McKernan said everything looks great and then I had a few questions that I wanted to ask him and that was really about it. He is such a great Doc. He is obsessed with Napoleon Dynamite and has a life size cut out of him in his exam room. Hahhaa. It's pretty funny when you are lying down and he's "checkin things out down there" and all that you can see is the top of your Doc's head and Napoleon staring you down. It's definately a good conversation piece. Anyhow, yeah, the appointment went well. I got the All Clear to travel out to Peru to see my Dad this Oct... and lemme tell you what, I am so excited about that. :) Oh and one more thing. I am really sad about Steve Irwin dying. He just seemed like such a good guy that honestly had his heart invested in nature like nobody else. It's so sad. I can't even imagine how his wife must be feeling right now. It's honestly so sad. God bless em'. Time to get me s'more nappy. Cass

Love Me Some Baby Pictures

So yesterday I had my first ultrasound pictures taken, and oh boy, was that a totally surreal deal. We got to hear the heartbeat and all that, which is totally awesome. The tech was really nice and printed out a few photos for John and I. As soon as John got ahold of em', he was like, "I wanna take one to work with me for my desk!" Aww. How sweet is that? I have my second prenatal visit on Tuesday and I'm not sure exactly what goes on with that one but it should be interesting. I hope they don't measure me or anything. My fat (real fat, not "I'm having a baby fat") is gross and I want it to stretch out a little more before they throw a measuring tape around me. Haha. I'm stupid, I know. When we were at the doc's yesterday, holy cow, man... there are some OBESE pregnant women. I'm talking like, if they weren't at a preggers dr.'s office, I woulda just thought they were exceptionally fat. I'm just glad that I don't look like that. I mean I'm definately not perfect, but I'm not a cow either.

Here's the pic! (I'm 8 weeks, 2 days) 190 lbs.

Baby Pics

This is a little book I got at the doc's and have been looking at when thinking about decorating the nursery.

These cribs are amazing. They eventually expand into a headboard and footboard for a normal size bed. Sweet action... and a good investment.

Aww. My sister bought me my first maternity shirt. Obviously it's not time to wear it yet... but that time will come soon enough.

Meg also bought me some baby stuff. She insists that I am having twins and so she buys me double everything. Silly girl.

My first congratulations card from Stefanie and Mike. They couldn't have been sweeter.

This is what I call my "create life" notebook. It is kind of a more personal jounal that I am keeping about this experience that I hope to share with my child when they eventually have children. I know... I'm thinking waaay in advance, but it'll happen one day. Just wait.

This is my baby book appropriately named, "The Belly Book." Gotta love that. Meg also bought this for me. She is so kinda and supportive.

This is my belleh at week 6. That's not baby down there. That's just my chubby belly. Hopefully later, it will be easier to make the distinction. Hahaha. I'm at 190 in this pic.

This is my belly at week 5. This is the first "on record" pic of my belleh. Kinda fuzzy. Oh well. I'm at 190 in this pic.

Baby Thoughts

Well, this morning I went in for the last of the 3 hcg tests. I will found out if it is an ectopic pregnancy on Monday. Yay God. I'm hoping and praying that it isn't. I just think that I would be hurting a little more than I am. I mean, yes, I am cramping, but that could be just from my uterus stretching like my Doc. said. That is what I m counting on it being. I don't think that I could handle the alternative. John has been sick the last couple of days, and I haven't caught it yet but I am definately not in the clear. Usually I catch every little thing that comes along. If I don't get it, honestly, I will be very surprised. I really don't wanna get anything though because I have heard that you really have to try hard to NOT get sick while you are preggers. It isn't good for the baby or me. Plus there is an extreme lacking in the number of medications I can take too. I wish today were Monday, just so that I could find out about this whole thing. It's got me on edge. Meggie is also really sick right now. She has a huge UTI infection and kidney infection. She has gone to the ER like twice in two days. Poor girl. I'm pretty tired today. Didn't sleep very well last night. Not sure why. I think it might be because I fell asleep at like 6 and then John woke me up at 7 then I tried to fall back to sleep at 9 or so. Just whacked out schedule. It's weird though because I am so tired all the fricken time. The doc said though, that I would be really fatigued for the first trimester... and well, I am. The other thing is, I haven't really been having the real, honest to God morning sickness. I wonder if maybe, I just won't get it. That would be glorious. Although, everything that I have been reading says that I shouldn't start experiencing it until week 6 or 7. Bummer right? Bleh,

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More baby talk

I keep thinking that this isn't really happening... that I can't really be having a baby. I almost, morbidly, keep expecting to see some huge blood clot AKA miscarage in the toilet, after I pee or something. I know that it is gross, and mildly depressing, but I can't help it.
On a lighter note, I am so incredibly excited about baby. That's what I have taken to calling her. And yes, I think that it's a her. Funny, I know.
I have taken the prenatal vitamin that are necesary for two days now, and neither day I have gotten sick. It's great. I was only sick like last week, but it could be that I am not far along enough to actually encounter morning sickness... ... yet. I am 5 weeks though. It seems so long. So incredibly long because they measure it from the date that you started your last period. Amazing. But the baby inside me has already developed a brain and all it's organs and everything. There is honest to God, a real baby inside me.
John has been so amazing to me lately. Not that he's not normally, but I'm his baby... with his baby. It's awesome. I love being around him right now, and it kinda sucks, because I think he might be sick. He says that he thinks that it is just his allergies, but he's totally just in denial. He's got a cold. I'm gonna get it too. I hate being sick, and I really don't wanna be sick and preggers. Bleh.
I told Stefanie today that I am pregnant. She didn't really seem that surprised. I think Mike might have said something to her. It's cool though. I am just glad that I have someone other than a family member that knows now. :-P And it's important to me that she knows, mostly just because she is my only girlfriend. That's a special thing right there.
Everyone is so happy about our little blessing and I can't wait for the ball to really get rollin on this whole deal. It's glorious.
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I'm Pregnant

I'm pregnant. I'm scared. I'm hurting. I'm worried. I'm pregnant. I'm happy. I have been missing my period for 5 days now, and I know why. I've had these outrageous cramps and I had had not one but TWO negative pregnancy test (before I actually missed my period). These were from urgent care and the hospital. I took one this morning, and before I could even place the stick down, I got a positive. I waited for the two minutes indicated anyhow, thinking it might dissapear, but it only got stronger. Once the two minutes were up, I broke down on the floor CRYING histerically. I'm not sure if it was an upset, happy, scared, weirded out... or what. I guess it was just an ASTONISHED cry. I sat in the bathroom on the floor crying for about 5 minutes. I moved to my bed shortly after that, then, lastly, I decided that I wanted to tell John. When I went into his room, it was 6:30am on August 6th, and just started crying again. Of course he woke up and immediately started hugging me and asking what was wrong... and I told him. "I'm pregnant." And that was it. History was made. Funnily, about 25 seconds after I told him he looked at me and said, "now did you say that you were or you weren't pregnant?" Haha. I said, uhm, "I AM!!!" And then he just held me and couldn't have been anymore supportive. We went and showered together after he held me in his arms for a while and reality is slowly setting in. I am so scared. And so happy. We decided that we weren't going to tell anyone till I started showing and I think that's a good idea. A real good idea. I don't want my job promotion to be jeporadized at work, but then again, how often am I going to make it to the docs and stuff. Guess I will just have to make them on Monday's and hope that no one asks right? So many things are going through my head. And I can't share them with anyone. Just John. Oh God, I am scared. Please don't let me screw this up.

CM

Name Ideas
Cadence Eileen Dee
Ethan James Dee